Unintentionally Revealing: The Ugly Truth About Purity Rings

Recently on the blog Love Joy Feminism, the lovely blog host did a link round-up of dads celebrating and writing about giving their daughters "purity" rings. The particular one I wish to highlight is called Celebrating Another Milestone: Purity Ring for My Daughter.

First, a quick primer. Purity rings are a relatively recent phenomenon, starting in the late 90s to the best of my knowledge. Silver Ring Thing is a good example. The basic premise that daughters need to be abstinent before marriage to have a good, happy life. The ring is supposed to be a symbol and reminder of her promise to "purity." And a promise it is, for the girl in question is only half of the parties present for this contract. Her daddy is the one who slips the band onto her finger, the one who is supposed to protect her purity, and the one who the daughter swears her virginity to until another ring comes on her finger. 

With that in mind, let's take a look at this post. The father in question is celebrating giving his daughter her purity ring, in the same way another parent might after their child had a bar mitzvah. He takes her out to dinner, reads a letter to her for the occasion, then slips on the ring. As explicitly stated in the post, this ring is meant to be replaced only by a wedding ring. He also goes on to say:

It is a reminder for her to pray for her future husband and it also is a reminder that God has in store for her HIS BEST!  She doesn’t have to go prancing around trying to find or settle for second, but know that God knows already the person He has for her.

This alludes to an oft stated assumption that being a virgin is a building block and guarantor of a strong marriage free from strife or divorce. For if God has a chosen path for his daughter that she sticks to, then obviously his plan is for her to be with one man forever. Also quite clear is just how suffused in christian culture the entire purity ring concept is. While they pretended otherwise at times for the sake of getting into public schools, the entire movement is protestant Christianity through and through.

But the most revealing part comes up next. To quote:

DADS: WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PURITY OF OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS!  We cannot just hope that they figure all of this out!  And we cannot let Punks come in and destroy in days or weeks or months, what effort we as parents have put into our children for 13-14 years!

While the conviction that children cannot be trusted to guard their purity is one that can certainly be unpacked, the crucial bit is in the last sentence. Daddy is determined to not let "punks" come in and destroy 13-14 of efforts.

Lets spell this out as explicitly as possible. This man is basing the success of his parenting and his judgement of his daughter's character on whether she has sex before the approved time. This is the ugly, logical necessity of the entire concept of purity. For if someone is not pure, than they are corrupt, tainted, wrecked, destroyed.

Taking this man at his word, he would consider all his years of raising his daughter obliterated if she touches a penis before a wedding ring.

In this humble blogger's personal opinion, that is deeply screwed up.